Shi:

All right, to end off our official series here on values, we wanna talk about the variety of other values. When we think about this word, we can see it demonstrated anywhere where people are behaving. We’re gonna see standards of behavior emerge, which means in our groups, in our society, in our family, in our ideologies, like religion, we’re gonna see standards of behavior arise. 

Kay:

Now these standards of behavior, again, if they don’t have them already set forth, or if they have some set forth that they aren’t congruent with, and if you wanna know what that is, what the values of the organization, the family, the group, or whatever it is that you’re involved in, look at the behaviors. How do they act? How does the group act at large? What are the energetic emotions or the emotional undercurrents that are at play within the group, right? Because a business can value integrity, but also be acting without integrity in how they treat their employees, or treat their customers or their guests. So understanding that this isn’t what we say, again, but what we do and what you routinely do within a group or an organization, or a family really influences how you, the individual, act as well. 

Shi:

Right? Probably the first place all of us are exposed to values is within the institution of family. We all came from some kind of primary group. Most of us, that’s a mom and a dad or some combination of parents and step parents. But this is where most of us first encounter values, these standards of behavior, right? If your parents–because they are the ones that dictate the standards of behavior and the values in, in your world–if they value significance in being seen as achievement-oriented, then they’re gonna be in that ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ type of behavior, where you’re always seeing new additions or new cars or those kinds of things. And so you learn and usually it takes that value into your life with you, and if you never take the chance to examine them–like you heard us talk about earlier in the show at our experience at “Date With Destiny”–you can just end up playing out that same value without even realizing it’s part of you. 

Kay:

And we were really lucky growing up, our mom and dad had some pretty dang solid actions toward one another. And you know, we certainly weren’t perfect and we still aren’t, but they really were able to demonstrate the actions, like not going to bed angry, talking things out, laughing a lot with one another. Family first.

Shi:

Yeah, physical affection was another one, demonstrating and showing love. And these were all of their behaviors, which were our family values. And we’re so grateful to have gotten so many wonderful ones from our family, especially knowing that on our mom’s side, it was a lot harder for her when she was growing up. So kudos to you, mom, and shout out, you did great! But values are demonstrated outside of the family as well. If you think about, Kay, we were talking before recording about how we come together in groups. There’s this concept of the third place, right? Like most people feel most integrated into their community and happy when they’ve got three places. Now two of these places in your life are pretty much determined for you, right? It’s where you spend your nights and it’s where you spend your days, a.k.a. your home at nights. And then if you’re in school, then that’s your secondary place. If you work, then that’s your secondary place. But having a third place, like a church, like a gym, like a coffee shop that you belong at is really one of those secret formulas for people to feel most integrated and least lonely. But it’s also another place where we see values demonstrated.

Kay:

You know, for quite a few people Squeeze In is a third place. 

Shi:

Yeah. We love that. 

Kay:

Shout out to our regulars, if you are one of them. Because we know that the third place is so important, we try to create a really good environment for people, so that third place can really be like the family in the way that the values that they demonstrate–remember, the actions, not what they say–can affect you one way or another. Now the third place can be a positive influence on your life, maybe you’re part of a CrossFit community and the people there are really dedicated to going to the gym, and this is something that helps you stay fit, knowing that you’re gonna see your friends in the morning, knowing that you’re gonna work out with a trainer that you like, having those kinds of things in place can be really, really good for you. Similarly, if maybe you’re in a group environment, like–I don’t know–you join a local, popup sports team and you’re in a softball league, but the people on the league are crap talking one another, or are very negative, and the actions that they demonstrate–maybe they’re engaging in regular bad habits like drinking after every single game or getting too drunk at those affairs–those things can rub off on you too, and end up impacting you negatively. 

Shi:

Another way that we see values demonstrated is on that macro level. You always know I’m gonna bring it back to Sociology and seeing things through that lens, but we’ve got societal values too, right? Cultural values. Where you were raised has different standards of behavior versus other places. You know, there’s a lot of variety around the world of ways of behaving, of ways of dressing, of ways of speaking, of ways of communicating. In Japan, it’s very rare for men to tell their wives that they love them and show any physical affection. There’s even movements now of “Say, you love your wife day” and men will stand on the hill and shout that they love their wife. It’s a completely different culture because there are values that are matrixing, their decisions look a lot different. And so as we consider these kinds of values, we see that there’s just a lot of variety there. And when we are aware of the societal values, then you get the chance to bring some intention to whether or not you want to embrace that value or maybe not. 

Kay:

You know, we’re West Coast girls, but Shi, you married a Southern boy. 

Shi:

I did. I did. I did. 

Kay:

And I know that when you very first went and visited his family in the South, you were kind of shocked when you realized that everybody has a deep fire in their kitchen. 

Shi:

Yeah. And I had never had avocado before. And the produce section was much more muted than here and less vibrant. And it was just really interesting. The health options were much more limited and seeing that value of more vibrancy and raw foods here on the West Coast versus the Southern Coast was definitely a great one to bring up. 

Kay:

Right. Well, in the South, I’m sure that they value deliciousness. Right? 

Shi:

Right. 

Kay:

They come around together. It’s a celebration, it’s a coming together. Right? So the more delicious the food is that’s at the table, the better for everyone’s experience. And here on the West Coast, you know, sands, the frier… you might find juicers. Now is green juice necessarily delicious? No, but is it really good for your body? Yes. It is healthy that the values of the regions play out, meaning delicious coming together or more helpful options, even if you’re sacrificing on taste.

Shi:

Well, we hope you’ve enjoyed this deep dive into values. They are in action, whether or not you acknowledge them. So we always know that shining a light on something can help you just bring any attention or areas of work that need to surface and to light. So we hope that you enjoyed this and we look forward to seeing you again, on the Kay and Shi Show.

Kay:

We are in your corner. And remember, we’re rooting for you.