Kay:

So, magic in everyday moments, moments in everyday magic. You’ve heard how this can be applied to regular life. But okay, let’s talk about some actions that you can take because the spotlight of your awareness is a thing which means that you’ve got to work on it a little bit. You’ve got to have some tools in your back pocket so that when you get off track and you start to feel that misery seeps in that you’re able to get yourself back onto a track that’s more constructive and ultimately less painful.

Shi:

One of the lessons we learned early on that kind of helped us in this understanding was the idea of separating pain and suffering. You heard in the last segment, we talked about the ultimate pain that someone like Viktor Frankl goes through and yet he was still able to choose his attitude about it and that’s really where that separation kind of comes into play. If we understand that the pain is still going to be present but our choice to suffer from it is ultimately our choice and within our control. So, that understanding and awareness. Okay, like, so if I’m in pain and I’m suffering, how can I separate that pain? What are some of the things I can actually do besides pep talk myself and reminding myself of the importance of this attitude? We have a few things in our pocket that we’ve started using that have helped us and we want to share them with you.

One of the ones, Kay, I’m not going to take yours, because it’s your famous phrase, but I will share with you guys that we love to look for any kind of words that are ultimates or absolutes. So, if you ever hear the word, always, never, everyone, no one. These are the kinds of words that are absolutes that should ultimately and specifically trigger an alarm inside of your head that goes whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, and makes you stop. Because now when you use a word like that, you know that you’re heading your brain towards tapping to choose between good and bad, black and white, yes or no, and agree with the statement rather than allowing for room of possibilities. So, those absolutes when they come out of your mouth, always, never, everyone, no one should be big triggers for you to examine where your thinking is headed and how you can add more.

Kay:

Now there’s only one thing that is absolute about life and that is death. So, when you really want to get to that level, that never, that always, those absolutes in your mind that come forward, that bring forward this black and white thinking can be extremely destructive for you. So, use those as triggers, use that as a warning sign. Like Shila said, use the alarm in your head, let it go off whoop, whoop, whoop and you’re going to pay attention and say, okay, let me redirect my thinking into something that’s a little bit more positive. Now, one of the things that I’ve always loved to do is when I feel that trigger warning go off in my head, or I start to hear that negative language seeps into my speech or into my thinking, I like to start at you giving myself a prompt of what is that good news.

“What’s the good news, Kay? Okay, come on, Kay. What’s the good news?” Stuff is hard right now and it does not feel good, but there’s got to be good news. There’s always good news. Even if the good news is, is that you have it better off than somebody else does right now. Or the good news is, is that I still have a roof over my head or the good of news is, is that my shoes fit, or the good news is that I bought a new shirt yesterday. So, the good news could be literally anything that takes you out of the destructive trigger warning never, always, everybody, nobody thinking and into something more positive.

Shi:

If Kay had a catchphrase, it would be “the good news is…” because she says it all the time and it helps redirect our conversations, our thinking, and our strategy sessions to be more constructive. So, let that be your catchphrase too just like little sis Kay. “The good news is…” And the good news is right now that we have even more to share with you and one of our favorites that we’ve noticed is the fact that as you start to bring in this awareness and you start practicing some of these implementations, you will realize that you still do the behavior you thought you were trying to avoid and that is absolutely in alignment with progress, our friends. So, pat yourself on the back, because once you realize, oh man, I just spent that half-hour beating myself up and I’m really trying to work on positive mental mindset. Awesome! You recognize it. You saw that you did it. It might be after the fact, a couple of days after the fact, but you articulated that it was something you want to change.

Now, once you do that, you’ll start catching yourself closer and closer to the event until you start catching yourself during the event. You’re having the negative mental mind spin and all of a sudden you go, “Ah, I know what I’m doing right now. I am moving towards negative thinking and deconstructive internal speak or even external speak and I’m working on changing that,” and you catch yourself in the middle. Now, it doesn’t mean you might be able to stop yourself right then, but you brought the awareness then and what we’ve realized is there is this backward progression. You think about it. First, you bring awareness to it then you catch yourself even if it’s a couple of days after. Then you catch yourself right after then you catch yourself during, and then you start to catch yourself right before it happens, and you completely cut it off and that’s when you know you’ve really made some progress.

Kay:

You know it makes me think of the visual of a train having to stop as it comes into a station. If a train tries to stop 100 yards before the station, it’s going to go, “errr,” and screech all the way through and probably we go past that station even just a little bit. That slow down process for the train in order to make the correct stop off at that train station has to start miles ahead of the train station. But your thinking patterns, they are your thinking patterns, which means that you likely have neurological superhighways built into your brain. That train…

Shi:

Those trains have been chugging that track for a long time.

Kay:

For a long time, they’ve been zooming through at their hyperloop speed as fast as they can. So, teaching them to stop on time. Teaching them to get to that place where they stop on time at the station you want for them to stop at takes time and takes grace and sometimes you might hit those breaks when you’re at the train station and you end up past the train station and that’s okay. Those neurological superhighways have had a long time to build in your head and it’s going to take some time for you to undo them.

Shi:

Alright. Probably the most effective strategy we’re going to give you is this next one, but it sounds so simple. It’s easy to write off. Celebrate your progress. Celebrate your successes. Celebrate in your life where you are already demonstrating a positive attitude. Celebrate the times in your life where you know you could have complained, and you didn’t. If you look back, there are times where you are proud of how you showed up and who you were, and how you behaved. Celebrate those things. By celebrating them now you get neurological about it. You’re training your brain to do more of that. You’re saying this is the behavior I want, and your brain goes, “Oh, write that down, write that down. We like that. We like that.” And you only get that when you physically celebrate, whether you smile at yourself in the mirror, whether you pat yourself on the back, whether you just shake your head and squeeze your fist and say, “Heck yeah, I did that.” That is telling your body literally to help form those new neural pathways that have a better attitude.

Kay:

Now, that celebration can be so key in helping you to get what you want and you might say, “Well, I have no examples in my life where I’ve ever been a positive thinker,” or “I’ve just always been really down on myself” or “I’m way harder on myself than I am on others”. Well, is there a time where you’ve lifted someone else up? Is there a time where someone else had a difficult negative situation or thinking pattern and you helped bring them forward and into something more positive and constructive? So, it doesn’t even have to be something personally overcame, just something you were involved in, maybe something you were proxy involved in. You could even just celebrate, you know, that one time I went and did a river cleanup with some people, and that was a positive difference in the world. Heck yes, celebrate yourself big or small. Those celebrations make a big difference and that physical activity in there like Shila said can be the real key maker in being able to rewire your brain by using your bodies. This has been such a cool week you guys and talking about all things how to stay positive.

Shi:

We appreciate you and thank you.

Kay:

See you again soon.