Kay & Shi Show #30: Our Children, Our Teachers Bundle

Kay:

Hey there, welcome to the Kay & Shi Show. This week we’re talking about our kids.

Shi:

We got a whole boatload of them. Actually, our gaggle just grew by one. Little Tommy was just born. Bravo and congratulations, Kay!

Kay:

Thank you so much. Well, we do have quite the gaggle. If you include our parents, between all of us now we have a party of 11, but just between Shila and I, we’re a party of nine.

Shi:

Which is a big gaggle indeed and three of those offspring belonged to Chad and I, and we thought that maybe this week we could talk about what we’ve learned in the lessons and the stories from each of our kids. We were recently talking with Joseph McClendon III, many of you know he’s our business partner at the Neuroencoding Institute. And when we asked him, who are you learning from right now, he really took a moment to pause and reflect, and then he said, my biggest teacher is my son. He’s got a 16-year-old son right now and that was so profound that we’ve really been reflecting on what are the lessons from our kids. So, starting off very first with our oldest because Kay and I certainly like to imagine that our kids are together. Our oldest are my twins, Wesley and Emerie, who will turn 12 in September this year.

Kay:

Such a trip that they’re turning 12 and hitting this age of pre-teen, which is such an interesting transition, but the first additions to our family, which really had some of the greatest impacts, I think on us all.

Shi:

Yeah, my fertility journey–Chad and I’s–was tough. We tried to get pregnant in the traditional way, had some issues with polycystic ovaries, and ended up going to a fertility clinic and figured out the right formula for us and ultimately had three eggs come down, and two of them became the twins and we were so excited to get them. In fact, when I was 11, I wrote in a diary I want to have and will have twins someday. So, it felt like it was really coming to fruition at age 25. Here I was, pregnant with twins, and after four years of marriage, we were excited and ready to grow the family, double the family, in fact.

Kay:

Oh, my goodness. Well, it was so fun for all of us. I was 17 at the time that Shila was pregnant and turned 18 right before the twins were born and it was such an impactful moment in my life personally because it was the first time as the baby of the family that I ever had kids that I had just a little bit of responsibility for.

Shi:

You had a lot of responsibility. You helped a lot. I like to say early on, especially in our twins’ first six years, we had a wonderful woman named Robyn as our nanny. Robyn was a friend of mine from Middle School and High School, got her Child Education degree and had always worked in nannying and childcare. And so, she came along and really helped us be able to grow businesses while she came along. But we still needed a lot of help, and she was able to kind of teach you how to mechanically care for toddlers and babies to tie all of us in our family, and it was an amazing addition. But having her get to teach you and seeing you with my kids was something I know was really healing for me and I loved seeing that side of you.

Kay:

Well, it was fulfilling for me as well and helped me to understand just how much goes into having kids and caring for kids and how much they need along the way in order to be shaped into like, you know, functioning humans.

Shi:

And functioning humans they are at this point. So, Wesley and Emerie are in Middle School right now. They are definitely, as Kay said, coming into those pre-teen years. We’ve seen some mood swings, some hormones, some acne, some body odor, and some really fun new personality dimensions just last year. Wesley a year ago, in the springtime, got obsessed with figuring out the Rubik’s cube, and by July, he had solved it and now he’s a cuber, so he can cube in less than one minute. But it’s so fun and so we have lots of Rubik’s cubes around. But he loves to–when he gets interested in something–really understand it. He loves comics, he loves being creative, he loves solving Rubik’s cubes.

Kay:

Well, Wes is such a gem and an addition to our family, and Emerie is the flip side of that where I think Wes is very focused on this intellectual and internal experience, Emmy has this kind of external expression.

Shi:

Very gregarious for sure. Gregarious, and she says she wants to be in theater and in acting and so leaning in that direction. So yes, definitely very expressive. She’s very mini-me. She’s one of us, for sure. She’s motivated…

Kay:

A little leader.

Shi:

…and likes to get good grades. She likes to achieve. She’s definitely a leader and we just adore having her and she’s been such a big helper. But I think my big lesson out of the twins as I reflect on them as teachers in my life is really the benefits of peer life companionship. But I mean peers in that P-E-E-R, that peer to peer sense that seeing the two of them develop and get to grow together has created such an amazing, I think, security and confidence for them. I can see how more socialized and well-adjusted kids who come from families that at least have others that are close in age really matters.

Kay:

Well, having that village around having solid relationships is so important to the development of a young child and really the development of any human being period. Having solid relationships in your life is so important. I think as I reflect back on the twins, what my biggest lesson has been really is that village and the importance, but understanding that there was this point where I had a part to play in the village and when the village grew and seeing how much it took to make it happen that we could come together in a way that could support one another and be this beautiful expression of a family that was more dimensional than I had anticipated growing up.

Shi:

Yeah. I’m so glad that that dimension got to be brought forward. But enough about the twins next up on the Kay & Shi Show you’re going to get to meet my youngest, Miss Annadelle coming up next.

Kay:

Alright. Let’s talk about the sweetest girl in our pack Shila’s youngest, little Miss Annadelle.

Shi:

Annadelle Lila Morris. Well, the twins came along and that made two is company. She definitely made us three is a crowd. When you go from two to three, it’s like that rite of passage some parents say to others, “Well, you’re taking on zone defense. You’re going from man-on-man coverage to zone defense.” So, Annadelle put us squarely in the zone defense making three truly a crowd. But it’s a crowd we wouldn’t trade for anything. And we are so glad that she came in and rounded out the Morris family kid pack because she brought forward, I think one of the elements that we were missing, which was an element of sweetness, softness, and kindness.

Kay:

Well, I do want to just take a quick moment to yes, you heard us right, her name is Annadelle…

Kay & Shi:

With a D.

Kay:

…and Shi I would love it if you talked about the origin of her name because I think it’s just so beautiful.

Shi:

Oh, absolutely. So, Wesley and Emerie are both grandfather names actually. We just loved the name Emerie for a girl, but they’re both grand grandfather names for Chad and I. So, when it came to naming our third, we were like, it’s got to be a family name and we were rolling around with some of the other grandparents’ names. Then, we were at Easter actually and I asked Chad’s mom, what was your mom’s name? And she said Annadelle and it was like the clouds parted…

Kay:

Ah!

Shi:

…and the light shone down, and I was like, that is her name and I love, love, love her name and it’s so fitting for her. It’s perfect. It’s sweet. It’s symmetrical. I love it.

Kay:

Yes. Well, for as soft and sweet as that beautiful name is this girl is so soft and sweet. You know, many of you likely know that there are some pretty big tensions happening right now in Russia and Ukraine, and Shi right before we were recording you told me Annadelle’s answer to this problem. I’m hoping you’ll share.

Shi:

Annadelle, she’s like, “Mom, why can’t somebody just call up their people in Russia and tell them, yo dude, dropping bombs kills people. Stop that. Like, why are, why are you doing that? Stop that. If they could just know that it’s killing people.” It was funny, her teacher said if we could only have a class of Annadelle’s. She’s so sweet. She’s so kind. Is she liked that at home? And we said, “Yeah, she is.” She’s always the one who gets up and lets the dogs out. She’s always the one who will give up something for her brother or sister or share what she’s eating or try to add value or serve in any way. She loves being the assistant. She even says, “Mom, I want to be your assistant when I grow up,” and I’m like, great because I really need one of those and I love to have her around. But she joined our family in 2013 so she’ll be nine this year.

Kay:

Well, right when Annadelle was born, Danny and I actually moved to Southern California and so I felt like I missed this first portion of her life in regard to being a baby. But when we moved back, and I started to get to know her a little bit more and especially with the addition of Violet and we’ll talk about her in the next episode. But my daughter is obsessed with Annadelle kind of to an unhealthy degree. But Annadelle is so nice. She just takes it, and she just loves on her, and shares and lets her be the boss. Yep. it’s the sweetest thing ever and Ann really loves to play with her. And then when she does come down to having to set some boundaries, it’s always with the utmost love and just the kindness that exudes from that little girl, I think we can all learn a thing or two from her.

Shi:

I know and both of our favorite shared memories of Annadelle are in 2020, 18 days before Florida shut down for the pandemic, we found ourselves there for the Disney Princess Half Marathon and it was a whole weekend and there are kids’ races and all kinds of things and I was running with Annadelle, the kids’ one-mile race and it was a hot day and we were at the end of the race and I could tell that she wanted to stop. Her body was genuinely tired, but she was pushing herself and she couldn’t talk. She could only just like focus on running. Man, have we all been there, right?  She starts doing this sound kind of, mm, mm, mm like this rhythmic little…

Kay:

Grunting.

Shi:

… just vibrational grunting to get to encourage herself and it was like, it’s embedded in my memory forever and I know because it’s so special to me, I’ve shared it with Kay so many times, her memory too. Just that vocal demonstration of commitment and what it sounds like to exert yourself and dedicate to something and just be committed to it, even when you’ve got to grunt your way through it.

Kay:

Well, we really see that continue to express in Annadelle and I think that’s one of the other big lessons that we’ve learned from her is that when there’s passion involved, that you can push yourself to some really new heights and new things. This last year Annadelle discovered the magic of gymnastics. And I have never seen a child so committed to learning something and she has progressed so quickly.

Shi:

She really has. She flips, she cartwheels, she’s almost got the middle splits down. She really started loving gymnastics and began expressing in a gymnastics way ever since. In her free time, she doesn’t want to do iPad. She wants to do handstands and cartwheels and love that about her. But my big lesson, of course, is that kindness and love are the answer, and I’m so glad she joined the Morris family so that she could bring that to all of us and be that grounding reminder for us.

Kay:

Well, kindness, love, passion, and “Mom, you want to see my best handstand?” We love you Annadelle. We are so glad to have dedicated this episode to her and next up, let’s talk about little Violet.

/****/

Kay:

Hey family. We love getting to talk about our family this week, and we want to invite you to come join us in an even more special way.

Shi:

Come join our cosmic kin and be part of our private Facebook group. It’s where we share our most intimate family circles and memories and shares, and we love to learn from you and connect with you there. So, please come join our Facebook group. It’s called Everyday Motivation with Kay & Shi.

Kay:

If you’re looking for a little bump, a little pep, and a little happiness on the daily, we would love to have you over there. So come join our family and enjoy the rest of this episode talking a little bit more about ours.

/****/

Shi:

Alright. So, the twins were two is company and Annadelle’s addition was three’s a crowd, but when we added Violet, we realized that four is a party.

Kay:

And a party she is. Little Violet joined our troop and our tribe in 2018 and we’re so glad to have had her on board for the last four and a half years. She is quite the expressive little girl.

Shi:

She absolutely is. She is a doll. She is two-headed, gorgeous blue eyes, so, so smart, intellectual, articulate, funny, in love with life, loves things her way. She is an amazing young lady and I just love having her as part of the crew.

Kay:

In fact, just this morning, she said to me, “Mommy, I make funny jokes,” and I was like, “You know what? You do make funny jokes, little girl.” But yes, she is all of those things. She’s definitely a bright little ray of sunshine and her coming into the world I think was a really cool way for us to kind of see this first round of cousins come together. We grew up with our cousins around all the time. So, being able to see the cousin dynamic come in in a new way, and I know the twins and Annadelle have an older cousin on Chad’s side of things. But that down the street cousin that you see all the time, that’s basically like another sibling. She joined our pack.

Shi:

She did join the pack and I love seeing you join the pack of motherhood through having Violet and obviously you are super around and the best aunt ever and involved with the first three, but number four really brought the children aspect into your family life and watching you turn into the Salerno family and be able to have that dynamic was a beautiful dimension and it was amazing to see you step into motherhood in a really cool way.

Kay:

Well, as we talk about the biggest lessons that we’ve learned from our kids, I think with Violet, for me, she really communicated to me, energetically. It might sound a little woo-woo but get woo-woo with us. You guys are family so this is what we’re doing here. She communicated to me, I felt energetically while I was pregnant with her that she was of me and she was a part of me and a part of our family, but she really is her own person and that she didn’t belong to me. She was of our family, but she belonged to the world. She belonged to the family. She belonged to the other people. She belongs to herself and that was a really big shift for me because I always anticipated that I would be the most helicopter mom ever and she really helped to shift me out of that even before she was born.

Shi:

I think it’s maybe Jesus, but it’s somewhere in the spiritual teachings that one of our great saviors has said of the world or in the world, but not of it and I think that that’s kind of the energy she’s brought forward. I’m in the family, but I’m not of it solely, I’m more than that and I bring that spiritual energy into it and she’s here for a mission. She’s going to grow up and do some and be something and probably a lot of things, not just one or two things. It’s neat to get to see someone born into the world like that who’s on a mission and clearly on a mission, but still a four-year-old and still needs to eat her strawberries and do her shower and dress up in five different princess outfits a day and do her show for you. It’s neat to have that seat and see her. Truly my big lesson from Violet is that expression piece. She is just so expressive with her words. She is crazy articulate and clear and smart and able to connect the dots really fast. Fashion-wise, she is more into it than any of the three Morris kids. She can match an outfit; she can pick out shoes. She cares about what she presents herself in. She wants her hair styled in different certain ways. Then of course, with singing and dancing with her body, with her voice, she loves to express, and I embrace that and love that about her.

Kay:

She is such a little bright light of sunshine and the five princess dresses before she gets dressed in the morning are not a joke. You will always find her with some different accessory going on. In fact, just today, she brushed her hair all by herself and put her headband in by herself and she did a really good job, and it was the very first time. It was just so cool to see this level of expression for her and mixing with her independence, starting to turn into this human being who I can’t wait to see what she does with her life. Because she is of our family. She’s in our family, but she’s not of it. She belongs with us, but she doesn’t belong to us.

Shi:

Well, next up, we get to talk about the newest addition. So, we hope you’ll tune in because you definitely want to hear who’s the latest to the pack.

/****/

Kay:

Okay. Fam we’re rounding out our two is company, three’s a crowd, four is a party. But five? We’re wrapping a bow on this little family because this is Kay here. I’m done having kids. Shi, are you done having kids?

Shi:

Done, done, done. So, that means five is family.

Kay:

Yep. Party of nine.

Shi:

Fin–as we like to say. And we are so glad to be welcoming little Thomas Daniel Salerno who was born just over a week ago as we record this. It’ll be a few weeks by the time you get to listen, but we’re so glad he is here. He’s healthy. Nine pounds.

Kay:

Yep.

Shi:

22 inches. He was born on April 3rd, 2022, and we’re so glad he is here.

Kay:

4/3/22. So glad to have our little guy.

Shi:

One baby.

Kay:

He’s so sweet, gosh and it’s been so fun to have him in and the biggest difference I think, between, I think, well, all of the birthing experiences up until this point was that Tom was actually born at home.

Shi:

Kay and I were actually born at home, so I love that you’re bringing that full circle. For both of my pregnancies and all three of our kids, were born via C-section and in the hospital, and didn’t have great experiences at either of the hospitals that I went to or with either of those kinds of unfolding events. But you get the prize at the end and you’re always happy with that, but the way you went into this birth with intention Kay, I think is really beautiful and worth sharing.

Kay:

Thank you. Well, this time around the last birth that I had with Violet was in the hospital environment and it wasn’t a terrible experience. I was glad to have had her. I was so grateful for the care of the professionals that were there. But birthing at home was really important to me in this round because I wanted the least amount of impact possible on myself and on the baby. Now birth and labor are really impactful. I’m not going to cuss here because this is a clean podcast, but that stuff hurt real bad. That was impactful for sure. But I wanted the aftercare to just be a little quieter than it was with the hospital environment.

Shi:

You know, at the hospital you’ve got people coming in to check vitals and it’s a very kind of sterile environment and it’s just very, very structured and some people are looking for that level of just… I know I certainly was at the space that I was mentally when it was time for me to have kids. I could not wait to be in the hospital. He said you can go home in four days or five days. I said, five days, I wanted all five nights in the hospital. I wanted as much help as I could possibly get. But for you, that’s not what you wanted, and it wasn’t the way. You walked away from your first birth saying, “If I can choose–and you do get to choose–then I want to do it differently.”

Kay:

I think that’s a really big lesson here and one of the biggest lessons that kind of comes from little Tommy is that that choice really matters and that when you can take that birth choice into your own hands, that it really can have an impact on the outcome. If a mother has the education and the understanding around both sides of that coin and then can approach it in the way that’s most empowering for her, she comes out of the other end a happier mom. Shila was empowered in her decision to have a C-section. She had twins. I think one of them was breach, so it medically makes sense to go forward in that way. For me, I wanted something a little bit more fluid and low impact if you will, when it came to delivering Thomas and doing it at home. But the outcome of a mother empowered by her choices can lessen postpartum depression. It can help with bonding with your baby and ultimately it brings that idea of trauma away from the birthing experience and empowers the mother instead.

Shi:

Yeah, like you said, it’s already traumatic enough and if you’re in an environment where you don’t feel supported for the vision that you have based on the health needs that are around you, then that’s not an empowering state. So, I think that it’s beautiful that you brought that awareness to the process and that you are so committed because it is a commitment and it’s a decision and it’s something you have to go into and know that that’s what you’re going into. But when you did do that, you were 100% committed. You had your decision made, you followed the steps safely. You had all of the people in place that needed to be in place. Obviously working with a midwife and a doula and knowing that you’re minutes away from a hospital should something go wrong was that environment that was for Tommy to come into. We’re so glad he did because he is just such a special addition to the family.

Kay:

Can’t wait to see who he becomes, who he is, what he does, and how he impacts our party of nine.

Shi:

In the last episode, you talked about Violet energetically told you that she was kind of her own lady. What’s been your energy signature from Thomas so far?

Kay:

Nothing. This kid gives me nothing in regard to what I should do or what I should feel. But I will say he’s so cuddly. He’s so loving. He’s very physical but it’s been interesting. I kind of had this like, well, what’s going on because I felt like I had so much of an energetic connection to Violet when she was in the womb, and I had a connection to Tom obviously. He’s my baby and he’s there, but not that level of communication. It’s been interesting to see him come out and be much more physically oriented. He likes to cuddle. He loves to eat. He definitely likes hands and likes sensation when Aunt Shi likes to give him his stretches and his pets. So, it’ll be really cool to see how that unfolds over time as we have, I think a love language of physical touch on our hands.

Shi:

Well, thanks for getting to know our little crew, the five mini Kay and Shi’s out there in the world, mini Chad and Danny’s too. We know that they are some of our greatest teachers and we look forward to continuing to learn from them and from you as the journey continues.

Kay:

Okay. Next week on the Kay & Shi Show we are so excited to get into a little book club.

Shi:

Yeah. You got to know our family. Now we want you to get to our author family. Those that we admire, the ones who have changed our lives, the ones who’ve shaped our souls and our characters. We can’t wait to share with you next week about our book club favorites.

Kay:

See you there.

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