Kay:
Hey family, you know Shi and I are all about living the A+ life, but this week we’re talking about being a C student.
Shi:
That’s right and you’ll see what we mean about that here in just a minute. But our guess is you are a forever learner, just like we are, which means you’re often in student mode and student mode usually means you want to achieve your best and do your best. So, us saying, be a C student might sound counterintuitive but what we really mean about that is that we think that you should Celebrate yourself, you should understand that Consistency Compounds, you should really know that Clarity Counts and you should Call It Like It Is, and that’s what we mean by being a C student this week.
Kay:
So, here on installment number one, we’re going to talk about one of our very favorite principles, which is to celebrate yourself. Now, recently we were on a mentorship call with a mentor of ours, and he said that this could be boiled down into the phrase of applaud yourself first.
Shi:
I love this conceptualization of the notion ‘celebrate yourself’ because it helps you understand kind of that metaphorical approach to life, that all of life is a stage or you’re the main character, you’re writing the story of your life as you go. But you should really be your number one cheerleader. You should have that inner knowing and trust of yourself and celebrate yourself which from a neuroscience standpoint actually helps you build the habits and become the person that it is that you want to be.
Kay:
Even if you’re just faking your celebration with your body. Your mind isn’t really in it, but you are going to get there and you’re going to pat yourself on the back and you’re going to pump your fist and say, yes, and you’re going to put a smile on your face even if you don’t feel like it. It releases those celebration hormones and those celebration endorphins inside your brain that help to reinforce whatever it is that you just did. So, if you are that forever achiever, like Shila, just mentioned, chances are–at the end of whatever achievement you have–other people will applaud you. But the secret to sustaining changes in your life is that you are willing to applaud you before other people do.
Shi:
Think about what is it that you do when you’re rooting for a team or rooting for another person? What does that really mean for you? What would you say when they pass that first quarter mile mark? How would you cheer if they finally land the cartwheel they’ve been practicing? You would celebrate with them. You would cheer them on. You would encourage them. You would be all about that positivity and that celebration. Now realizing that you should be the number one person you’re rooting for means that you should be celebrating yourself. So, it can feel like, “Well, isn’t this indulgent and isn’t this just going to feed narcissism in the world?” That’s not what we’re talking about. Not inflated ego. We’re talking about giving yourself praise for accomplishing the behaviors that advance you in the direction of your dreams, goals, and desires.
Kay:
Now play with us for just a second because we are your sisters in celebration. So, talk back to the podcast for us, okay? Just play, okay? We want to just ask you to roll with us for just a moment. So, tell us, what’s some good news that you have going in your life right now? Give us some good news. What’s happening in your life that we can celebrate with you? We’ll give you a quick second to answer. Alright. Yes, you did it! We’re so proud of you!
Shi:
Yes. Oh my gosh. That is incredible. You should be so proud of yourself and we’re so happy for you. Now, doesn’t that feel good?
Kay:
That feels good on so many levels most especially because chances are when we celebrated you, you celebrated yourself just a little bit.
Shi:
Well, you’ve probably got that little smile on your face and even though you know we’re being silly, even if you didn’t say anything during that silent moment, you have things worth celebrating. But you probably suffer from ‘achiever syndrome’ which means the second that you do accomplish something you’re already looking at (a) what’s next and (b) what you could have done better and not taking that C moment to celebrate yourself and really give yourself the recognition for what you have accomplished which then tells your brain, “Hey, do more of that. This is good. Do more of the behavior that resulted in the celebration.” And that’s what really helps you from that neuroscience perspective–build the behaviors and the habits that you want to have over time.
Kay:
Now, if you’re the achiever who always thinks, “What’s next and what could I do better?” One of the things that we have absolutely loved from our mentor, John Maxwell, is that he talks about giving yourself 24 hours to celebrate. Now, this can be a really constructive way of putting a cap on your celebration, so you don’t get too far run away with celebrating yourself, but it also gives you the opportunity to lean in for that 24 hours and know that it’s okay to have those celebratory moments. So, remember, celebrate yourself and next up, we’re going to talk about ‘compounding consistency.’
Shi:
See you there.
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Shi:
All right, we’re here on the next installment of be a C student week here on the Kay & Shi Show, and the C we’re featuring today is actually two CCs and that’s ‘consistency compounds.’ When we add two CCs of consistency to any action, we can see a compounding effect over time, and this is really one of those lessons that’s easy to say and easy to understand, but can be so hard to continue to believe in and behave in when the going seems slow.
Kay:
Now, the thing that I love most about compounding consistency is that it is not a complicated way of succeeding at whatever it is that you want. Basically, if we get down to it, it really just says, “Don’t freaking quit. Just don’t give up.” Whatever you want to achieve in your life can be achieved if you just keep going at it and you don’t quit.
Shi:
No, not quitting and keeping going doesn’t mean that you don’t course correct, and I know that’s a double negative here, but pick up what I’m putting down. We’re not saying you just stay the one strategy, no matter what, but you do stay the one goal, no matter what. Sometimes we adjust our goals and that’s fine because you learn as you advance towards them that sometimes those kinds of larger adjustments are needed. But any kind of journey or voyage is going to have small course corrections along the way.
You think about even a road in your town. It doesn’t go direct from one destination to another. It kind of zigzags around. It follows the rivers. It has to contour around the neighborhoods and the businesses. But following the path will get you to the destination even though you’re not always technically pointed in that direction. So, we’re not saying that you just stay bullheaded, stubborn and you keep doing something that’s not working. I think Tony Robbin says it best when he says, “Look, you can run East all day long looking for a sunset, but you’re never going to see it; that happens in the west.” So, it’s not that the running is wrong, but the direction might have to change. But if you keep running, you will get there if you’ve allowed yourself to make those adjustments.
Kay:
One of the things that I love about compounding consistency is… We’ve talked about consistency, “Don’t quit, keep going, stay the course, stay the goal,” but this compounding effect is really important. Now I want you to think a little bit about the idea of compounding in finances. If you were to save $100 every single month with some interest that goes into that over time, that $100 a month isn’t just going to add $1,200 a year to your budget. Let’s just say that it has a 10% compounding interest. Over the course of 10 years, the interest that compounds on top of that money gives you way more than the $12,000 that you would have. Chances are that’s going to be closer to a $100,000 investment because of the compounding effect.
Shi:
One of my favorite mathematical approaches and expressions is the compounding effect because the exponential growth of numbers gets really interesting even just after eight or nine folds. You really see this tremendous growth and we as human beings are trained to see growth in a linear fashion. One step in front of the other, one piece in front of the other, and action has to be taken in that way. That’s how time goes too, in this linear fashion, one grain of sand at a time through the hourglass of the great father clock in the sky, if you will. But when it comes to results in our lives and some of those more intangible things like behaviors, habits, results. This compounding piece of exponential growth really comes into play and every successful person has told us the same version that there’s this compounding exponential growth once you consistently engage in a behavior or dedicate yourself to something and you stick to it, and you don’t quit.
Kay:
One of my favorite examples of compounding that is outside of the mathematical realm–if maybe something a little more tangible might help you understand this concept–is thinking about the way that when a sperm and an egg meet and they become one cell, and then that cell splits into two and then those two splits into four and then those four splits into eight and those eight splits to 16 until you have a fetus with trillions of cells. Until you have a human being with fully functioning organs and processes and a brain and everything inside of it. So, thinking about that compounding effect that happens so quickly inside the biological process of birth, taking that from one cell to two, from two to four, and then beyond into trillions. There’s a point where the compound is 1,000 cells that split to 2,000 cells and how much bigger is that than the two to four.
Shi:
Well, I’ve always loved this idea of consistency compounds and I both love it and hate it because there’s no shortcut to it and sometimes the hardest thing in the world is not to quit when everything inside of you is saying to run away from something and you don’t deserve this and this isn’t what you signed up for and you are just tired and you need a break. Those are all things that can prompt us to quit or give up or compromise. But if we don’t, if we can push through it then we get the chance to see the compounding effect of consistency and that’s where the magic really unleashes in our lives. So, we hope that so far, you’ve enjoyed being a C student alongside us and we look forward to getting a little more clear on what the next C is in the next installment.
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Kay:
You heard us talking earlier about how the notion of celebrating yourself is actually a neuroscience-based tactic for success and happiness.
Shi:
Now, the reason we’re so intimately aware of this is the fact that we are co-founders of the Neuroencoding Institute alongside Dr. Joseph McClendon III, a neuropsychologist who has really studied the impacts and effects of celebration. He says, what everyone understands is that the mother of skill is repetition but what most don’t understand is that the father of skill is celebration.
Kay:
So, we invite you to celebrate yourself. We invite you to celebrate your achievements and we invite you to check out neuroencoding.com. If maybe you’re a leader or a coach or a speaker who’s looking to have neuroscience-based tactics in your arsenal, the Neuroencoding Institute is for you.
Shi:
We hope to see you over at neuroencoding.com and now let’s get back to the show.
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Kay:
In this installment, we’re talking all about clarity. It counts. It really super does because many of us aren’t clear on what we want and when we finally get the result that we thought we were going for, it isn’t what we wanted.
Shi:
We’ve talked a lot this week about the impact of neuroscience and our partnership with neuropsychologist Dr. Joseph McClendon III and he says, half the battle, half the battle with any coaching client or challenging organization or sticky situation is actually identifying what it is that the person–or the parties–actually wants. Now, what we want is often disguised in phrasing like “I just don’t want to feel stressed anymore, or I don’t want to get in this sticky financial situation, or I just don’t want to turn out like my mother.” We say things in a way that sounds like we’re expressing what it is that we want but we’re actually just saying what we don’t want.
Kay:
So, one of the cornerstone questions for the coaches in the Neuroencoding Institute is very, very simple, but extremely powerful. It’s the question of, “What do you want?” When you ask yourself this question and find a positive answer it gives you clarity and that can allow the whole energy of the universe to start working toward the things that you want. You know, Shi, you gave a really powerful example of this just recently this week in a conversation that you had with your daughter. She’s going for perfect attendance at school and our family happens to be passing around a little bit of a cold right now which might have threatened that perfect attendance.
Shi:
Right. So, Emerie says to me, “I really want to achieve my perfect attendance this week and you guys all have the sniffles, and I don’t want to get that.” And I said, well, “What is it that you want?” And she said, “I don’t want to get the cold,” and I said, “Emmie, that’s not what you want. You’re telling me what you don’t want.” So, she expressed it again in a negative term and I said, “Well, what is it that you do want? It’s not that you don’t want that because here’s what the Universe hears. They hear you and they hear sickness, and they hear strong emotion. It’s not do or don’t want, it’s just that it’s that noun and that verb and that action and emotion behind it. So, understanding that makes us realize how powerful our words are.” So, she said, “I want to be healthy. I want to have vitality. I want to be energetic and fit.” Those were all perfect examples of how we can reframe into what we do want and bring some clarity to the question, what do you want?
Kay:
Well, this clarity is so important, and framing it in the positive can be something that, like we said, allows that momentum and magnetism of the Universe and of your energy to start moving toward the thing that you desire instead of away from something. Now, when we have ‘toward energy,’ it is a much stronger pull. I want you to just think about that physical expression of ‘toward.’ It’s that forward pull. You likely felt your chest expand and go forward. Now, if you’re being pushed towards something, you’re in that conclave position, your chest is being pushed back. You’re going backward. You’re being pushed towards something or forced toward it, so finding this ‘do want’ versus the ‘don’t want’ gives you lots of ‘pull energy’ in your life instead of ‘push energy,’ which can help you magnetize the things that you want even faster.
Shi:
If you’re wondering if we were both undulating to and fro to the microphone, just now we absolutely were.
Kay:
Yes!
Shi:
Yes, we absolutely were undulating. You know, I think that clarity also counts in a lot of different ways. When you heard us talk last week about tough conversations, and one of the best principles we have is to say it plainly, especially when you’ve got something that you’ve got to say, just say it plainly and I think this also plays into this principle of clarity counts. We were asked recently to be part of the speaking coaches circle for the TEDx event here in Reno, Nevada, and we had just heard a practice talk from an incredible black physician here in town. Afterward one of the organizers was asking her a question, but you could tell he was uncomfortable with it. He was asking about the role of race and trust with her patients and with other doctors. But he said it so confoundedly that he got done with his question, and she looked at him kind of strange, like “What?” I just looked at her and said, “Do other people mistrust you because you’re a black doctor?” She goes, “Oh,” and she got it right there and that’s one of those places where it can be hard to say it plainly, but bringing the clarity forward with authenticity and respect, of course, allowed the point to be communicated more easily.
Kay:
So, as we wrap up here in clarity counts, we’re excited tomorrow to dive even more into what that clarity looks like when you just call it like it is.
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Kay:
Okay. We’re rounding out here in the be a C student week with one of our favorite principles, which is to call it like it is.
Shi:
Now yesterday or in the last installment we talked about how clarity counts, and this is in alignment with this message, but a little bit different because there is this real tendency to sugar coat things or hide certain inevitable truths in webs of communication and conversation that can make the message not only not clear and a little bit befuddled but can make the mission and the motivation wane as well. So, calling it like it is means that we’re courageous and we’re willing to say the hard thing to plainly define reality. To not be so visionary, so pie in the sky, so optimistic that we aren’t able to see the weeds in the garden if you will. So, being able to call it like it is, is one of those skills that as we refine it over time, we really see its value.
Kay:
Now, one of the hardest people to be this level of truthful with is yourself. Maybe every single night, you head down to the freezer, and you pull out that ice cream tub, and you have a cup of ice cream, and every single night, that’s your ritual and that’s what you do. What you say to yourself is, “Well, I just like my sweet treat or it’s my one thing.” But you also are having some candy during your lunch and you’re also snacking on some sweet stuff in the afternoon. Now chances are that cup of ice cream is actually a sugar addiction and not just that sweet treat at the end of the day, especially if it’s happening every single day of your life. So, it can be really difficult to have this level of honesty with yourself because our brains are master justifiers.
Shi:
Super master justifiers. “I’m just too tired. I don’t have time. We don’t have money.” But calling it like it is means using phrases like “I’m not willing to do that,” or “I’m choosing not to engage in the healthy behavior or constructive behavior or maybe even in the destructive behavior” because this is going to align also with celebrate yourself. Call it like it is. If you fricking rocked something, call it like it is.
Kay:
Yes.
Shi:
You deserve that pat on the back, you should call it like it is. You knocked it out of the park. You’ve got a home run. Call it like it is goes both ways, but we find it usually, I think, harder to call it like it is when it can be one of those sticky things or something that we’re struggling with. One of the metaphors that John Maxwell likes to use is, “The leader is really someone who, when they’re lost with a party and they’re trying to get back to the crash site or whatever, they’ll climb the tree to get the view and now they’ll call out to their party ‘wrong jungle’.” So, they’re calling it like it is. “We’re not even close to where we are,” and this can be really helpful, especially in leadership.
Kay:
It could be helpful in understanding for your team. If your team has this idea that you’re really close to the end but you’re really far from the goal actually, and you’re the leader, and even sugarcoating it or trying to keep hope alive by not just telling everyone where you’re actually at. This can be one of the things that end up de-motivating the team as they get closer because they realize that the goal is further than they might have seen initially. Now, last week you heard us talk about crisis leadership, and Shi you talked a little bit about this nut of realism surrounded by the chocolate of hope. I think that that’s a really great way to think about if you’re a leader that calling it like it is isn’t about being pessimistic. I think most pessimists would call themselves realists. So saying, “I’m just a realist and that is how it is.” But it’s about balancing this idea of this truthfulness, this reality of the situation while continuing to breed hope in the people that follow you.
Shi:
Tony Robbins says you don’t just want to look at your garden and chant, “There are no weeds, there are no weeds, there are no weeds.” That would be kind of that may be an idealistic picture of positive thinking and affirmations to manifest the garden with no weeds. He says if you really want to be a leader and an achiever and a high earner in all respects of the word, then you’re going to look at the garden and you’re going to say, “There are weeds right there,” and what are the strategies to getting out weeds and what are the ones that are going to employ methods that I am in alignment with? So, calling it like it is and saying, “There are weeds in the garden or money’s running out or my health is in danger or our relationship is on the rocks,” calling it like it is allows you to have clarity about where you’re starting place is so that you can identify where it is that you want to go from there, and ultimately take steps to do it.
Kay:
So, we want to call it like it is so that we can gain the clarity, so we can consistently take action. And then we can celebrate ourselves along the way. We hope that you’ve enjoyed being a C student with us here this week on the Kay & Shi Show and we’re here to celebrate you and help you in your consistency, in your clarity, and in your ultimate truths.
Shi:
Thanks, everybody. We’re in your corner and we’re rooting for you. Have a great weekend.
