Shi:
Are you tired of the ship week puns yet? Well, we hope you’re not because there’s just one more and today, we want to talk about relationships.
Kay:
We’re talking about the romance, the hot and steamy. You know, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, your at-home romantic partner, the person who you spend that love side of your life with.
Shi:
If you push your glasses up your nose, you call it your significant other.
Kay:
Okay. Professor Shi over here.
Shi:
Well, whatever that significant other is for you, we want to talk about, I think the nature of this, kind of that personal partnership that you form with somebody that ends up being your long-term relationship. This is a relationship of support, endurance, compromise, of joy.
Kay:
Intimacy.
Shi:
Oh. Come on, that’s one of the best parts and one of the things that makes it different than any of the other ships in the h arbor we’ve talked about this week.
Kay:
Well, the relationship in your life is one of those things that can add so much flavor and depth and talk about security when you can maintain that for a level of time. In fact, a relationship for so many people provides so much security that many men and women will stay in an abusive relationship just because of the security that it provides.
Shi:
Right. Or that certainty, that known. Like I’m not happy, but at least I know it and that makes me in some ways comfortable. Even if I’m a little bit uncomfortable, the idea of the uncomfortableness that comes with making a change can be so hard that I’d rather just stay certain and comfortable in my un-comfortability. Then that can be a detriment I know to human growth, to personal growth, to relationship growth and so it takes someone being brave and having courage to say, I’m going to change me first as Tony Robbins likes to say, and then if that doesn’t work, change the relationship. But working on ourselves is what we talked about at the beginning here of ship week and ending here with that. Once you’ve got that figured out can really work on that side by side with another person. It can be a really amazing kind of relationship that blossoms as time goes on.
Kay:
Now, Shila and I have at this point. Both of us have put in our 10,000 hours…
Shi:
Yeah.
Kay:
…on at the relationship front. We were just recently regaling, just how freaking long it’s been that you and Chad have been together.
Shi:
Yes. It’s been a long time. We’re celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary in June of this year, and we’re really excited about that. We’re actually celebrating it on an amazing Mediterranean cruise, which you guys will all hear about later at some point. But we have had a lot of ups and downs and a lot of challenges. We’ve actually also worked together most of that marriage and time which can add a different element. But it’s so nice to have that person that when you’re sick, they bring the tissue box and they care about you and when you are so happy and have a big win, they’re the first person you want to call. And when you’ve got kids together and you’ve got somebody that you can rely on and you know the code and all of the words and the lingo and the jargon and the mechanics of what it takes to implement a family, it feels really good to have a life partner like that.
Kay:
It really does. It’s been amazing to see you and Chad’s relationship. So, 16 years married and how many years together?
Shi:
18.
Kay:
Oh my gosh. It’s kind of wow. Coming up on 20 years, that is craziness, Danny and I have 12 years together, which is crazy, a dozen years…
Shi:
Amazing.
Kay:
…and then we’re coming up on our ninth wedding anniversary. Our 10th wedding anniversary will be in 2023. But crazy to think it’s been almost 10 years that we’ve been married. It feels like that time has flown by and also there has been so much that has happened, but at the beginning of this week during leadership, I talked a little bit about that idea or partnerships that you can’t love someone at the capacity with which you don’t love yourself. Just in this last year, my relationship went through a humongous transition when Danny decided to embrace the full side of themselves as a non-binary person which means my man is definitely more feminine. But one of the best things about that is that he decided that he was going to love himself as he truly is and that really opened up love for me within the relationship from him as the partner, which just so underscored and demonstrated to me the power of loving yourself first.
Shi:
Yes, and it’s been so amazing to watch this unfold over the last year, plus at this point for the two of you and seeing that true transformation and demonstration of, you know, if that tiny cup inside of you for self-love is a shot glass and you go to fill up somebody else’s cup and that’s all the love you’ve got to give. That’s not very much. It’s a sprinkle for a cup like you, that’s this ginormous ocean.
Kay:
We take all the love.
Shi:
And seeing Danny be able to truly become their full selves. It’s been so beautiful and fun just to watch your relationship in that way blossom. I know early on when he first told you and it was difficult, we talked about the idea of you fell in love with a human being and a person, not necessarily a societally ascribed gender identity. Being able to understand that I think helps underscore for whether you’re going through a “my person came out as non-binary”–or any kind of–”my person is growing differently than me or aging differently than me or drifting differently than me,” that there has to be that authenticity piece that’s supported and that you love that person no matter what. Because sometimes at the end of the day, you really just have to rely on the fact that you’ve committed to each other because it’s not always going to be about that love and fun-ness and that feeling.
Kay:
Right. The first six months of the relationship are only the first six months of the relationship. Everything else from there forward takes intentional effort, both in loving yourself and loving the other person. So, we hope that you have enjoyed the ship week here on the Kay & Shi Show. What do you think Shi? Should we take these ships out to sea?
Shi:
We should. Let’s pull them out of the harbor. Let’s set sail. Ahoy mateys. Here we go.
