Kay:

We’re excited to unpack this particular topic today because like our mom told us growing up, you are the five people you hang out with so choose carefully.

Shi:

Which is why here as we talk about the role of society and the role of some of the more macro forces shaping you as a human being and as a character that we have to talk about the role of the groups around you. Particularly, of course, as Kay mentioned, our mom liked to say you are the five people you hang out with so choose carefully. This has been resounded by tons of different teachers, the average of the five people that you spend the most time with so there are lots around this. But the theory behind it just demonstrating the fact that, as we talked about in the last segment, there are rhythms to everything, and when you are engaged habitually in someone else’s rhythm, your rhythms will start to match so you better make sure it’s one you want to dance to.

Kay:

Well, let’s just say that you have a friend who has a habit of not exercising or your closest three friends. Let’s put it that way. Your closest three friends have a habit of not exercising. In fact, they’re at the point where they’re even kind of proud of the fact that they don’t exercise, and you decide that you want to start an exercising habit. Now you go to your three friends, and you say, “Oh, I’ve started exercising and I feel so good, but man, I’ve had to start waking up early in the mornings and that’s definitely difficult and I’m finding myself more tired at night.” Well, those three friends are not likely to help you keep that habit going when the times get tough. Chances are the dialogue would look something like them saying, “Oh man, well, why would you even get up that early anyway? That’s ridiculous!” or “You’re just crazy for getting out there. An hour on the treadmill every day? Are you kidding? I would be exhausted.” And the rhetoric around something that could be positive change for your life, ends up becoming disempowering.

Shi:

Right. Or even in their best efforts, they’re trying to support you and they say something like, “That’s more than I could ever do” or “That’s a lot more than I’ve done” or “Well, you’re still beating me.” So, appreciate that they:

(a) want to stay friends with you and that they

(b) want to give you accolades.

But neither of those things are helpful for you in staying accountable to the goal that you set forward and those kinds of changes can be really hard, and it can be tough if you choose to make a habitual change, like an exercise routine, or like you heard us talk a lot about alcohol in the last segment. We were so grateful that not only–especially Shila here for me–two of my five people made this change with me and so it made it incredibly easy to avoid that rhythm and be completely off of it, which has helped with the lasting change.

Knowing that you’re the five people you hang out with that the implications on your habit structure are impressive. But you think about this when you hang out with somebody for a while and you ungroup. Don’t you notice that you talk like them–not about them, like them? As if you spend a concentrated amount of time with someone, you start to say the same phrases, you start to talk the same way. You might even start to have the same foods and those kinds of things. If you have five people around you who are incredible and impressive and courageous and kind, then you’ll start to reflect those things too. But a lot of us struggle if our five people don’t reflect those things. How do I change those five people? And that can be really tough.

Kay:

Ooh, changing the five people can be very difficult, especially if maybe one of those people is in your environment, not by your choice. We’re not talking about the five closest friends. We’re not talking about the five people that you choose or your five family members. We’re talking about the five people who occupy the most of your time. So, this could be a coworker. This could be someone at your gym. This could be…

Shi:

A family member.

Kay:

…a family member, someone that you engage with and spend the most time with. It’s not your five closest friends who you become. It’s the five people you spend the most time with. So, how do you persevere forward if maybe you live under the same roof as this person or maybe you work alongside them. It can definitely be a little bit of a conundrum or a difficulty to change the five people or even change yourself.

Shi:

As Tony Robbins tells us, “If you don’t like a relationship, change yourself first, then if you still don’t like it, then you can change the relationship.” So always understanding as we close out this episode of talking about the role of society, the outward influences on who you are on the inside, and who you turn out to have a massive impact. And of course, you can change anything. That is the beauty and the power of free will. You’ve been gifted this spark of consciousness and you get to choose how to spend it and where to use it. Understanding how you fit into this context, hopefully, has given you some ideas on how you can use that consciousness for your own gains with a little bit more integrity and a little bit better.

Kay:

Remember it starts with you and as you begin to change yourself and find either the people who are around you will decide that they want to go away, or they will change alongside you. You will make that change for the better, and it will be positive for your life, even if it’s hard. And hey, when it does get hard, remember, you’ve got two sisters in your corner who are always rooting for you.

Shi:

We love you. We support you. We hope you have a great weekend.