Kay:

Hey there, fellow questers, and a welcome to Episode 83 of The Mentorship Quest. Now, we picked today’s quote right out of the tree of life…We picked us a plumb. Yes, this quote comes from the one – the only – leader of the rat pack – Mr. Frank Sinatra!

Shi:

He says, “Don’t respond to negativity with more negativity. Just put your head down and prove your critics wrong.” Frank Sinatra also said a quote that I personally love, but people take it the wrong way. And the other quote is, “The best revenge is massive success.” And I think the first quote explains the second quote so well that we decided we were going to put them together, and give you a very rare, two-for-one Mentorship Quest day 😉

Kay:

I love it. Well the two for one quote goes, “Don’t respond to negativity with more negativity.” So this first quote I love because I think Frank Sinatra kind of came in the era right before Elvis, and right after Charlie Chaplin. So this idea of the “superstar” was still pretty new to the world other than like – Kings and Queens, and monarchy, and courts and stuff…

Shi:

Because he never had TV before, right? And now he’s on the radio and he’s broadcasted…I mean, he was a SUPER superstar…

Kay:

SUPER-STAR! And there is not a single superstar out there that does not deal with a crap ton of people telling them that they are doing it wrong, or that they could do it better!

Shi:

Right? Tons of negativity. As small town restaurant owners, we can tell you that even at that level – we get exposed to a lot of negativity. It’s just – it’s OUT THERE. It’s a fact of life. And as we talked about last week, The Ancient One told us, everyone’s got their demons and your job is just to rise high above them…I think that’s kind of where Frank is going here with this. Don’t respond to negativity with more negativity. Because we think we’re going to fight it, right? And we’re going to get it. Cue the, “I’m going to…I’ll just tell them…I’ll prove them wrong…I’ll show…” thoughts. And you want to fight it and really be caught up in it, BUT that just keeps you IN IT. That’s the thing.

Kay:

All it does is it feeds the momentum that’s headed in that direction. I mean, if negativity is a giant snowball running downhill, do you think that throwing more snow at the snowball is gonna stop it from going down the hill?

…NO!…It’s going to make it go faster!

So that first sentence is, “don’t respond to negativity with more negativity.” And, the second sentence tells us to just put our heads down, and prove our critics wrong. Because, what ends up happening is a lot of the people say “you’re never going to make it.”

Shi:

Right? So – we don’t respond to negativity with more negativity. And then he says – just put your head down and prove your critics wrong. So it’s not just to IGNORE the negativity, it’s more like – work and even use it! A lot of negativity comes from a place of criticism, which is painful, but usually helpful if you can pick out something useful from it! And so when he tells us to put our heads down and prove our critics wrong – it’s just a great way to give a little bit more dimension here to this. And, when faced with what to do with haters…who would know better than Frank Sinatra?!

Kay:

Right? Well critics are going to say all kinds of things though. They’ll say that you suck. They’ll say you’re not good enough. They’ll say that your eyelids are too high priced! They will say ALL KINDS of things about you. And so, that really leads to this third sentence, where he says the best revenge is massive success. Now, most people think of revenge in that Game of Thrones – I’m going to come get ya – type of way. Or, you know, they think of the Red Wedding and that kind of business….But it’s not really like that. What Frank is saying here is that the thing that will hurt these people the most will be when they see that they counted against you all this time and you STILL went forward and succeeded anyway!

Shi:

Right? And the fact that revenge, (if you identify what the feeling is that you’re seeking from revenge), it’s to feel vindicated. It’s to do what you want to do despite the critics and despite the odds, and the negativity, that came up against you. And so the best revenge for yourself is to massively succeed NO MATTER WHAT anyone else is saying. Right? Like you want to really give yourself the gift that you’re looking for when you seek quote on quote “revenge”. Because, whatever it is, that revenge you truly seek will fill your cup so much better if you just put your head down, prove your critics wrong, and be massively successful at what it is that you’re trying to do – no matter what anyone else is saying!

Kay:

Well, revenge is that retribution feeling, driven by negativity, that just perpetuates more hurt in your life. But we’re driven from a place of, you know, “I’m going to succeed despite…”, and “I’m going to overcome”, which is really a place of HOPE! That’s a place of I CAN, and that’s a beautiful place! That’s a place of creation. So the best revenge is massive success. And then in the first two sentences he gives you the roadmap!…To stay positive and work hard.

Shi:

Thanks Frank! Even if he had some questionable ties and all kinds of old mafia type things, you can’t deny – he certainly had a tremendous impact on the world! But, you don’t have to be a superstar in order to take today’s quest because everyone can do this! And that is: Give up a grudge. Now, we didn’t say it has to be a big grudge…(I know this is a daily quest and it’s going to be tough)! So give up a grudge towards yourself, towards a family member, towards a pet…What is some kind of silly grudge that you know you could let go of today? And then really focus on that best revenge, which is massive success!

Kay:

Okay, real quick: A silly tiny grudge that I had carried around for a long time…I got wronged at a chiropractic office (like six months ago), and I carried that stuff around for like four months. Like four months I had this grudge about this chiropractic office and how they wronged me on that one afternoon. And so maybe you’re carrying grudges around about more than just those who you’re quarantined with…so dig a little deeper if you can’t find something to let go of :).

Kay & Shi:

Happy questing!