Kay:

Hey there Questers and welcome back. I won’t call you friends and neighbors today because apparently, that got weird.

Shi:

I liked it. It was just so new and different.

Kay:

Episode, 344 here for you. It is April 29th. We have a Jane Addams quote for you today and it is a goodie from this American settlement activist, reformer, social worker, sociologist. Hey, she’s…

Shi:

I love her.

Kay:

an important leader in the history of social work and women’s efforts in the United States.

Shi:

So, yeah, like fists up for woman power…

Kay:

Get it, girl!

Shi:

…and Ms. Jane Addams here, thanks for being a pioneer for women’s rights and world peace. Her quote that we are presenting for you today is, “The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of myself.”

Kay:

Alright. So, if you’re anything like me, you are hearing this quote or you read it and you were like, what do you mean, what? So, Shi will you explain it to everybody the way you had to explain it to me.

Shi:

I would love to bring that perspective forward. When I read this quote, what really stands out for me is this whole idea of we judge others based on their actions, but we judge ourselves based on our intentions. When someone is late to an appointment, you feel undervalued and frustrated, and you think if they valued me more, if they were just more together, then they would have been on time. But when you’re five minutes late to an appointment, you’re saying to yourself, I would have been on time, but those lights went red or I had to get that last email out, or the kids wouldn’t get out of the door fast enough. So, you’re granting yourself those exceptions, whereas you’re judging others based on their actions. When we think about morality from that sense, right, this kind of judgment sense, that’s really I think at the heart of this quote, that Jane Addams gives us today.

Kay:

I think when we’re talking about that in the morality piece, right before, when we were kind of discussing this quote, I said to Shi, I don’t feel comfortable teaching on this because I’m not a judgment on morality. I am no authority for morality, and she said, well, no one really is. I think that’s one of the points of this particular quote is that morality is subjective. The things that you think are moral might be immoral to me and vice versa. If we were to get together and lay everything out on the table, there’s a chance that there are a few things in your life that you do that I wouldn’t agree with and there are a few things in my life that I do that you wouldn’t agree with.

Shi:

Right, and morality too is fluid. Is honesty or is dishonesty immoral? Yes. So, are you going to never tell your kids about Santa Claus? Are you going to tell your partner when they look not good with a beard? No, you’re not and my husband never listens to our podcasts. I don’t have to worry about that. He knows my feelings on the morality of his beard situation.

Kay:

He trimmed his beard recently.

Shi:

He did and he looks so good. I’m so glad that we’re into springtime and out of the beard winter zone. But are you never going to tell your kids about the Easter bunny or you’re just going to start from day one like there is no Easter bunny and this basket is provided by me. No, you’re probably going to be dishonest. If you’re honest with yourself, you know you’ve been dishonest at different times in your life, in the name of something that’s just, or moral, or better or higher good, or advantageous to your outcomes. So, now we can see how this real subjectivity and fluidity of morality comes into play.

Kay:

Right? So, if I’m actually being immoral, it would be that I am looking at somebody else and saying, you are a liar, you are dishonest and because of that dishonesty, you = immoral. I’m calling you immoral and a bad person without taking that lens and maybe turning it around and taking a picture of yourself first. Now, isn’t that interesting, taking it through the lens. Just take a selfie okay whenever you’re maybe feeling that judgment start to sneak in and creep in toward others because making that well, it’s okay when I do it. When is it okay for anybody to say that? And if you say, well, that’s okay when I say it, then you’re in the trap.

Shi:

So, to remind you of what Jane Addams quote is for you today, “The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of myself.”

Kay:

Okie-Dokie Questers, it’s your favorite part of the episode! It’s your quest. Today is a #ThoughtfulThursday. We want you, any time you start to judge someone else, to turn it around, bring it inward, get that mirror, get your selfie out. Look at yourself and ask the question: have I ever done that? Are you ready?

Kay & Shi:

Let’s quest!