Kay:
Hey there, Questers! Welcome, once again! It’s Tuesday, July 28th, and this is Episode 147 of The Mentorship Quest! We have a quote for you today that was submitted by our listener, Ms. Debbie Holland. And so, this quote has been attributed to a whole host of people – which means, we’re not really sure who exactly said it first – but, Debbie, you’re getting the credit, today! Shi – why don’t you take it away?
Shi:
“Life does not give you what you want, it gives you who you are.”
Kay:
Ohhh, SUCH a good one! You were actually just telling me right before this, that you heard Eric Thomas yell it on a video. And so, I’m hoping you’ll do that impression here for us…
Shi:
*(Shi impersonates Eric Thomas’ yelling)* “It doesn’t give you what you WANT, it gives you who you ARE!”
Kay & Shi:
*(Laughter)*
Shi:
And, he’s like sweating and it’s super intense! And, just before this, we were also commenting on the irony of the setup of a phrasing like this – “Life does not give you what you want (dot dot dot – fill in the blank). Because, we’ve heard all kinds of different completions of this statement!
Kay & Shi:
*(Singing)* You can’t always get what you want…
Shi:
ALL kinds of different variations of a phrase like this! I think it comes from a desire to express the fact that life is not all sunshine and roses – (to use the overused metaphor there) – and, there’s a lot of ways to get what you want, but life doesn’t always give it to you! And then, that life gives you who you are. I think it’s Tony Robbins who says that the most powerful force in the human personality is this adherence to who it is that you think you are – AKA: to your identity…
Kay:
And, what’s interesting about that is – just in some quick, personal reflection – I was thinking about how we have discussed before that sometimes life does give you what you want. And, that’s really fun to receive those things. And, one of the things that Shi and I like in particular is delightful experiences. And, we really like humor too! And so, I feel as though the two of us are given a lot of delight and humor in our lives, but we also exude delight and humor whenever we can – both intentionally and as a personality trait!
Shi:
Yeah! And then, we were laughing like, “So, it’s actually…life doesn’t ALWAYS give you what you want, or ONLY give you what you want.”
Kay:
…To submit a modification to the quote that no one knows who said…
Kay & Shi:
*(Laughter)*
Shi:
This quote has been attributed to Mark Twain…We know Christian Simpson uses this a lot…As well as Eric Thomas and John Maxwell who have been heard using it before…So, “it gives you who you are,” comes back to that identity piece and that question of how you personally identify yourself. We’ve heard the metaphor used that it’s like a temperature gauge…So, if you are a 72 person, but you set a 75 goal, (but your homeostasis is still set at 72)…You might be able to get up to 75, but, then, the air is going to kick on, and it’s going to bring you back down to 72 – because that’s what you set it at! So, really making adjustments at the identity level, and becoming a marathon runner, instead of just aspiring to run a marathon, can really help you make lasting change in your life!
Kay:
Exactly! So, let’s just take the example of money. And, let’s say I want more money in my life…Well, it turns out that people who have a lot of money actually have this thing called abundance mindsets, and they’ve got a whole thinking pattern around money and getting more of it. Which is a little bit different from the thinking pattern around people who don’t have money, or who historically struggle with money. And so, it’s about changing that identity from being a person who struggles with money, to being a person who is good with money. And, that identity shift has so many steps in between. But, the bottom line is, the person who’s good with money is going to get more of that in their life than the person who isn’t. And so, changing your identity, and changing those deep seated identity roots, is really how you get more of what you want in your life. Because, life doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you who you are!
Shi:
Which means…the real work is on who you are, because, if you want the outside world to reflect something that delights you, and energizes you, and makes you excited, then you need to make sure the inside is reflective of that as well!
Kay:
Does that mean this is an inside job?
Shi:
*(Laughter)* Oh, it does! And, that means that we’ve got to figure out what the practical, applicable, tactical steps are to doing that! Kay, I know you read the book Atomic Habits last year. And, of course, anytime Kay reads a book, I like to claim credit also – (because I get the download every time she comes into the office)! But, there were so many takeaways from that book, which helped break this phenomena down into small actions that you can take in order to become the quote on quote “marathon runner”!
Kay:
Yes! Well, I mean, that comes down to little things. You know, because a marathon runner doesn’t become that way overnight. It probably takes a year and a half to two years to really get themselves into the running habit, and to the point where they could actually sustain themselves for 13.1, (if they’re doing a half), or 26.2, if they’re doing a full! Because, that’s a lot of miles you guys! And, that’s a big toll on your body…And so, if you were to never run a mile before trying to go out and run a marathon, you would not be a marathon runner. You’ve got to get yourself up until that point, and really build up that skill. And so, it firstly takes doing the inside work of accepting the fact that I’m going to go on this journey. And then, it comes with the tiny, tiny, little steps along the way. Like, some days, it’s just lacing up your shoes and going for a walk, and not necessarily running the whole mile…because, remember, “Life doesn’t give you what you want…It gives you who you are.”
Shi:
And a BIG thank you to Debbie Holland for submitting that quote for today! And, the quest that goes with it is an interview quest! So, we want to know: Do you know who you are? Write a sentence today about how you think your best friend would describe you. And, we want this definition coming from an outward perspective of someone who actively loves you – so no bashing in this quest! But, write yourself one or two sentences that describe you as a person. Are you ready?
Kay & Shi:
Let’s quest!
