Kay:
Hey, hey, Questers! Today is July 9th, and we’ve got Episode 134 coming at you! But, today something else that’s really special is happening in our lives. And, that is that today we get to interview our BOLD Conversation: Bridging the Racial Divide discussion with the one and only – America’s Supernanny – Deborah Tillman. So, in fashion, today’s quote is from Deborah Tillman! And, she says, “Your kids don’t want T-H-I-N-G-S. They want T-I-M-E.”
Shi:
Now, if you need a spelling lesson, that was, “Kids don’t want things. They want time.” And, that’s not what kids will tell you, but that’s not the kid’s job to tell you, and know the nuance of what it is that they really need underneath that yearning inside of them. Especially when they see people around them filling that yearning with stuff, with things, with distractions, with media, with internet, with games, and with other material items – it can be really easy for them to say, “Well, if that’s what everyone else is doing, then that’s what I’m lacking, or that’s what I need.” And so, we have to go a little bit deeper than that when our kids tell us that what they want is things…
Kay:
Well, in our conversation with Debra, we really got to unpack the question of: What does it look like to discuss race with your kids? And, how do you have these open conversations, even when your kids are really young? And, she said, “It’s one of those ongoing narrative things that happens, and I can’t help but think that parents who prioritize that T I M E piece (that time) will find it maybe even a little bit easier to have those discussions, because they’ve already been so open with their kids along the way.”
Shi:
Well, Kay just gave you a little bit of a preview of what’s coming today in our interview with Debra, and you are the first to hear some of it – so make sure you tune in today at 10:00 AM Pacific time at 1:00 PM Eastern time on the Kay & Shi Facebook page to catch all of Deborah’s interview in our BOLD Conversation with her. She drops serious gold, and we talk about this concept of taking the time to communicate with your kids, especially as it relates to race relations, how you approach those discussions. And, she really tells us this is more than a one time conversation, and it’s more than a singular recognition of a past that is now buried deep, and left out of history books. And, that it’s really more about a living, breathing recognition, and ongoing conversation where we can bring our kids into understanding the complexity of the issue, and what an issue that takes place over hundreds of years can mean. And, you know, especially if you’re like us, and you and your kids are white, that conversation will most often include what that means for you, and why we’re privileged to be white, and why we should fight to change that!
Kay:
Yep! Well, you can catch the rest of the discussion today at 10:00 AM Pacific or 1:00 PM Eastern. But, I wanted to touch back on a topic that Shi brushed on at the beginning of the episode, which was that kids don’t always know what it is that they want or need…And so, in times of stress – especially when the country is going through not just ONE crisis, but TWO – it can be easy for a kid to (like an adult!) drown themselves in the iPad, or drown themselves in their Legos, instead of engaging with the family. But, we have to also think about – when do adults use those numbing strategies? How often do we reach for a glass of wine, or reach for a television show, just to get an escape from our own reality? And, how often do we see our kids doing that when they’re really craving time, and connection, and quality conversation, but instead they’re relying on their things and their coping mechanisms, just as we display for them as adults? And, just really asking ourselves whether you think that’s what’s healthiest for them….because they don’t know the difference!
Shi:
And it’s our job to teach them! But, in an age of instant gratification, time together doesn’t always necessarily work in that same way that a THING might (where you get the little dopamine hit to the head, and get the endorphin rush)! Towards the end of last year, in 2019, I really started to realize that I was reaching for things quite a bit, and one thing in particular was shopping. Because, I LOVE to go buy a new outfit. I love to go to Kohls, and I love to have my 30% off coupon. But, I noticed that I was just filling more and more things, and kind of chasing that material dragon, (if you will), and not necessarily taking the time to understand that a deeper connection would be more beneficial for me in the long run. And so, to remind you of Deborah Tillman’s incredible quote today, it is, “Kids don’t want T-H-I-N-G-S they want T-I-M-E.”
Kay:
And, for those of you who are spelling challenged, that’s, “Kids don’t want things. They want time.” Which means that today’s quest is a TIME quest! And so, your quest is to: Spend five, phone-free, distraction-free minutes with someone that you love. And, if you live alone, maybe that someone is yourself! But, we’re talking about no TV, no shared shows, none of that….This isn’t connecting over yogurt…This isn’t connecting over a thing, but, instead, we want two human beings spending some true time together. Are you ready?
Kay & Shi:
Let’s quest!
