Kay:
Hey there, Questers! This is Episode 125. It is Friday, June 26th, and we have a really cool quote for you today from Ernest Hemingway. He says, “When people talk, listen completely.”
Shi:
Five little words that mean so much! And, that we would all do well to truly listen completely, when people talk. Not hear, but to truly listen. Because, that is really a skill. And, some people do it naturally, while others…not so much…
Kay:
I am one of those people who is NOT a natural listener!
Kay & Shi:
*(Laughter)*
Kay:
I will admit, I had to learn along the line that listening is actually a skill. And, the good thing about a skill is that it can be built upon and worked on! But, it’s not something that comes naturally to everyone. Like Shila said, you can hear, but not really listen. As an example, have you ever been the kind of person that has heard a song and you sing the lyrics, and then, later, you go back and you look at the lyrics of the song, and realize you had been singing it wrong for years, thinking that the lyrics were something else? That’s just a great example of how we can hear, but not really listen…
Shi:
And then it’s stuck in your brain the wrong way too! So, you know, it has lasting consequences as well. You’ve probably heard the adage that God gave us two ears and one mouth, and asked us to use them in that ratio – which means we should be listening a lot more than we’re talking. And, in this day and age, a lot of people are talking (including us right now in your ear!), but we’re so proud of you for listening…and not just hearing, but truly listening. Because, in each one of these quests, there’s opportunity for you to grow, and certainly for us to grow, and to share, and to collaborate, and to make a better world together, even when we’re doing silly quests that feel like they might be trivial…it’s taking these incremental steps one at a time that make our life better! And so, when we think about something like listening as a skill, it can be easy to say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know listening is important.” But, today we’re going to spend just a few minutes talking about how it can make a difference and why it’s so important.
Kay:
Well, one of the things that many of us fall into is this belief that, “Yeah, we listen”, but at the same time that we’re listening to what someone else is saying, we’re formulating our response for when that person is done. And so, taking this idea of listening in order to respond, and maybe instead just listening in order to absorb, might be helpful for you. And, this is even for good listeners, and for people who are good at observing, or listening, or intaking. Because, even those people, will find themselves crafting their response to what the other person is saying before that person is even finished with what they’re talking about!
Shi:
You know, studies done at the University of Minnesota show that listeners in a lecture format only retain about half of what’s being said. And, six months later, the average listener in that lecture can only remember 25% of what was said – which means that 75% of what was being presented to them at that time is gone!
Kay:
This is one of the reasons that we think it’s so important to put out a daily podcast! So, this is us daily with you guys – and, it’s short, so we can hold your attention! And, we ask for you to take an action at the end, because it’s all about attention and retention. And, we know we love you, but we also know that you might not be a quote on quote “very good listener”, because, while you have this playing in your ears, you might be doing other things and not really engaging.
Shi:
Well, and it’s okay if you are! But, making those choices consciously and from a place of empowerment is so much better than, realizing you accidentally missed out on hearing something you truly needed to! Like, have you ever found yourself reading, and when you get to the end of the page you’re like, “Oh, I gotta go back. I was thinking about something completely different.” That’s part of this listening skill. And, maybe you’re checking your phone, or, if you wear an Apple watch like we do, maybe it vibrates while you’re talking to somebody, and it takes all of your discipline to stay focused on the person who’s talking and not look at your watch.
Kay:
So, we have a few tips for you guys today on being a better listener! And, these are coming from like THE world’s worst listener EVER, who has improved her listening skills greatly. So, just a heads up – these actually work! The first tip that we have for you is to intentionally shut off your internal dialogue. If you hear your own mind running over the person talking, just ask it to be quiet while you absorb, instead of formulate!
Shi:
Another tip is to make direct eye contact with the person who is talking…(We are making weirdly intense direct eye contact right now)…in case you are wondering!
Kay & Shi:
*(Laughter)*
Kay:
And, our third tip for you is that, if it is appropriate to take notes, do so! Because, it will help you retain what’s being said. Or, if you’re in a personal conflict conversation, write down the things that you feel you need to get off your chest before you enter that conversation, so that you’re not thinking about all of the wrongs that the person has done to you while you’re in the middle of a conversation about how to make it better!
Shi:
Dude, taking notes during a conversation is really impactful in a LOT of different ways. One – you can go back and look at the notes later, and remember so much more that you thought you were going to remember, but then lost as you got caught up in the conversation. Plus, it helps keep you on task and focused. And, three – it makes the other person feel really important. So, these are three great tips for you to employ when you are trying to live your quest life, doing this five word quote to end your week. And, to remind you, that quote is from Ernest Hemingway, who said, “When people talk, listen completely.”
Kay:
All right, gang! SO – today’s quest comes from the worst listener herself, and it is: When you find yourself in a conversation today, go ahead and approach your listening intentionally, make direct eye contact while the other person who is speaking, put your phone away if you have to, and if you have a smartwatch vibrating – ignore it! In one of your conversations today, do your best to be an intentional listener…Are you ready?
Kay & Shi:
Let’s quest! And, have a great weekend!
