Kay:
Hey Questers, welcome to The Mentorship Quest with Kay and Shi! It is post-Mother’s Day, and the week of the International Day of Families! SO…today’s quote comes right from a popular children’s game!
Shi:
Is it a game? Is it a rhyme? I don’t know! But it’s only three words and we ALL know them. It’s, “Mother, May I?”
Kay:
You might be thinking, “well, that’s not an inspirational quote”, but we wanted to bring out, “Mother, May I?”, because this is a game that we’re taught when we’re really young, and it also has some lasting effects for us into adulthood!
Shi:
Well, any kind of phrase, that we repeat often as children, gets wired into our systems. So it’s important to sometimes just examine even the simplest phrases like this one. And yes, we’re being kind of silly and cheeky…BUT what we want to uncover with this piece of mentorship is this idea that, as kids, we begin to become conditioned to ask permission for what we can do and not do. Speaking as moms, this is GREAT! Of course, we need the kids to ask what they can and can’t do…Sometimes it can be a little annoying and frustrating, but ultimately it’s part of parenting! The problem arises when this sticks with you as you grow up, because it can really end up hurting you, and getting in your way.
Kay:
We often get the idea ingrained in our system that we need to ask permission from other people before we take any form of action. And so, if we have an action that we think isn’t going to be permitted, or if we have something that we think someone else might judge us for…we might hold back on taking any form of action because we’re so afraid of not being given this expression of permission in advance!
Shi:
Right? Or we do something and we get some kind of proverbial hand slap… Say – maybe you post something in a group you weren’t supposed to post, or you make a mistake on something and somebody comes back at you and says, “you weren’t supposed to do that,” or, “you CAN’T do that.” I know I’ve personally had several experiences like that. It hurts, and it reinforces this idea that we should ask permission for everything. In other words: “I don’t ever want to feel that pain again. Therefore I’m going to default into some old programming”…AKA: “Mother, May I?”
Kay:
Well, the danger of “Mother, May I?” is that it can take those people who in their heart of hearts KNOW that they’re leaders, and turn them into followers of other people’s opinions, wants, whims, and wishes! And thus truly destroy the sense of confidence inside you, because you’re always waiting for someone to come along and give you the permission to do the thing, or to be who you want to be. And, as Rachel Hollis would say, NO ONE’S COMING!…It’s you!
Shi:
Exactly. And GOSH Rachel Hollis is so inspirational, and she talks about this hard fact that there IS no help coming….There is no Cavalry coming. Because…the cavalry? It’s inside of you. YOU are the one, and that can be terrifying! And, by initiating the programming like “Mother, May I?” – by “asking permission” – (whether or not you’re conscious of the fact that you’re even asking for permission or not!) – you’re taking the responsibility OUTSIDE of you. So when we don’t achieve the goal, or we don’t do the thing, or we don’t follow up, or we don’t come through, it was like…”Well I wasn’t sure if I could!” Right? That’s one of those sneaky things that gets in and we think, “well I wasn’t sure if I could take that action” or “that wasn’t really allowed” or “that’s not how it’s done”. These are all permission issues under the same umbrella and they can be really detrimental. And so, Rachel tells us, no one is coming – there is no Cavalry – and you have to rely on Y-O-U! And then, she follows that up with something I thought was really interesting….Now, a lot of us will hear that no one’s coming, and then you hear a voice in your head that follows up with, “well then, you’re screwed.“
Kay:
Or, “If you’re the only one coming to your defense, then you are not going to get anywhere.”…You might start feeling that negative talk come in and come against you, but don’t let that get in your way!
Shi:
Yeah! Mother, May I kick that thought’s AAAAA-behind?! We want to kick that to the curb and we don’t want to let something like that in. And so, with yesterday being Mother’s Day, and celebrating this International Day of The Family this week, we want to bestow you with this quest: Give yourself permission today for something that you want to do, that you may be holding back on. Maybe you haven’t been letting yourself indulge in that last Snapple in the fridge, or that extra pack of fruit snacks….(I must be hungry because my brain keeps moving to food things), but give yourself permission for something that you know you either need to do, or that you’ve been denying yourself, and have a good quest here on this Monday!
Kay:
Remember, it’s up to YOU! “Mother, May I” = no longer!
Shi:
Well, and do you guys ever have those people that ask you, like, “Can I do this?” And, you respond with…”I don’t know…Can you?”…Welp, that answer is YES! Yes, you can! You can, and you MAY!
Kay:
And, you may also have the ability to respond….so be response-able! Empower yourself, give yourself permission, and happy questing!
