Kay:
Hey there, Questers – welcome back! It’s Friday, September 25th, and this is Episode 190. Today’s quote is from the queen herself, Miss Madonna. And, she says, “Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
Shi:
I mean, a singer, a songwriter, actress, record executive, author, obviously an icon for the ages…Madonna is so admirable and has probably been exposed to just about every pleasure that is available and out there, so she speaks from a place of experience and authority on this one.
Kay:
I’m sure that she’s met a lot of different people as well, being in the position that she is, that seek to be near her because of her status and whatever power they believe that she holds. And so, oftentimes, I bet, she’s been in the position of people looking to her to give them permission to have fun. Being the most famous person in a room means that a lot of people are going to look to you as the example of what things are like. And, to her, she’s like, “Well, that would suck if you’re depending upon me to have the permission to have fun, dance, drink – or whatever it is.” I bet she’s been in that position a lot.
Shi:
I bet she has too. And, this permission issue, isn’t talking about “Mother May I?” Right? We’re not talking about that kind of permission. Coming from the restaurant industry, if we were trying to get our pleasure from every Yelp review, or wait to have the pleasure of feeling like we are able to serve our guests in a way they love if we got “permission” from every review, we just never would…And we would be poor. “Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.” So, no one is going to grant you all the permission or not. There is never going to be an instance where everyone agrees that this is the right decision for you, the right thing for you, the right thing you should have said, or done, or behaved or any myriad of things. So when we think about permission here, I think it’s important to bring in this kind of understanding that it’s not about “Mother May I?” It’s not about saying, “Well, I don’t have to ask permission from anybody,” but really observing how much you value others’ opinions in order to feel pleasure is really what Madonna is driving out here.
Kay:
Well, if there are things that maybe you don’t do because you value those opinions of others in such a way that it takes prevalence over your own authentic opinions and values – that’s really what Madonna is talking about here. If there is some crazy, entrepreneurial idea that you have that you’re just SO afraid that people are going to think you’re weird and you’re waiting on permission from other people…get that out of your head! Get the crazy entrepreneurial ideas out there! I mean, we have a friend who literally gets paid from organizations in our local area to come there and drink, and vacation, and eat food. We have another set of friends who literally get paid to try on and take pictures of themselves in outfits. You can do anything in the world. You don’t have to ask permission from somebody to do what it is that you want!
Shi:
Yeah. You don’t. And seeking that permission often leads us down a path of just misery. Recently, I was sharing with Kay that we were on a camping trip for the twins’ 10th birthday. And Chad, my husband, was not so much in his element maybe. We were borrowing an RV, so he felt like he really needed to keep it clean the entire time. And so, I started to feel like he couldn’t relax. And, at the end of it, I wanted to be mopey about it and pick a fight with him. But, I realized that then I was telling him, “My enjoyment of this experience is dependent upon your quote unquote permission,” right. And I wasn’t saying permission. I was saying, well, “your mood,” or whatever I wanted to characterize that behavior as. But now, I’m saying that my pleasure is dependent on the permission of your behavior. And that’s not fair to him OR to myself. So, letting the pleasure become separated from that, I think is a helpful example here.
Kay:
Well, I think that ends up robbing you of a lot of your own joy when you can’t find and create that joy within yourself.
Shi:
Right.
Kay:
And so, permission – I’m so glad you brought that back around, Shi – isn’t about that Mother May I? It’s about asking yourself: Where are you holding yourself back from your own enjoyment of life based off of the opinions or the behavior of another? So, just a reminder, Madonna says, “Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
Shi:
All right. So now we’re going to give you a permission quest! And so, you do have permission to take part in this quest, all right?! ;)…So, your quest today is to give yourself permission to do whatever the heck you want this #FriYAY…(as long as it’s not hurting yourself or another person…duh)! So, find something that you want to give yourself permission for and give it to yourself. I know one that Kay and I usually partake in here on Fridays is to have french fries because it is…
Kay & Shi:
FRY-DAY!
Shi:
So, if you want to join us in that quest as well, we would welcome you to enjoy some french fries today. Are you ready?
Kay & Shi:
Let’s quest!
Shi:
Have a great weekend!
Kay:
Permission granted 😉
Shi:
BOOM!
