We all know the age old saying “You can’t always get what you want,” but it certainly shouldn’t stop us from trying! The best way to begin any journey toward something you want is to know your destination. After all, it would be silly to hop in your car and drive five hours without a destination (though some may call this adventurous!)
Having a vision keeps you pointed toward your north star, even if the path takes you west for some time.
Our journey began on a warm May evening in Palm Beach, FL. The humid air made the seaside festival feel like an extension of the nearby ocean. The Sunfest banners provided much welcome shade as we sang our hearts out to one of my favorite artists, Jon Bellion. As my husband, Danny, and I held hands we danced one of our now all time favorite nights away. The entire day was perfect – laughter, sun, art, good food, and great music. Little did we know this would be the last night it would be just us, as the next morning I discovered I was pregnant with our sweet daughter, Violet.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I started thinking about what I wanted for my birth and decided natural birth was the way I wanted to go. I stated firmly, “All I want is to get into the hospital and have the baby. I want to labor as much as possible at home, get to the hospital and have the baby immediately.”
From the start, they told us that our child was going to be a big girl. My husband is 6’6″, I am 6′ tall myself, so they said that our daughter was a shoe in to be at least a 9 or 10 pound baby. Five or six days prior to her due date, we were at a doctor’s appointment and the doc said, “Look, if you don’t pop by next Tuesday, this baby is so big, we’re going to have to induce you.”
Thus far, it had been my vision to have a natural birth, and an induction almost always leads to an epidural, which can lead to complications or a C section, which was the opposite of the vision. The vision was clear to me, but suddenly my vision felt compromised.
5 days before her due date, I began to have regular contractions. I messaged my doula and thought to myself, “Yay, it’s happening! We are safe, the dreams that we wish DO come true!” We ended up going to the hospital out of a concern for high blood pressure, and my mom texted into our family group chat, “We’re going to the hospital!!!”
Next thing I know my sister, Shi, comes bursting into the hospital room with flowers and champagne exclaiming:
“You’re having the baby!”
What Shi didn’t know was that a few minutes earlier the nurse told me “You’re having contractions, but this isn’t it.” I burst into tears at my sister’s supportive excitement and said “Stop celebrating! It’s fake! It’s fake.” I cried, “It’s not real! She’s NEVER coming out.”
Turns out, pregnant ladies aren’t the most rational sort. ????
As you can imagine I was pretty upset that it wasn’t happening, and that we were marching closer and closer to an induction, which was 100% NOT in my vision. My vision was very specific. I was so specific but here we were in false labor for four days.
Then, Sunday afternoon, the contractions began like always. My mother-in-law asked if we wanted to come over for dinner and offered me her beautiful bath to ease my never ending contractions. I soaked in the bath, ate dinner quietly, and all the while had no idea I was in real labor!
Sure enough, when we got home, my water broke. That was at 8:30. I labored at home for about 3 hours, and then we got to the hospital at 11:30 that evening. Violet was born exactly 17 minutes later!
The outcome ended up being exactly what I asked for.
All I had specified was that I wanted to labor at home and then get to the hospital and have the baby. And that is exactly what happened!
We can certainly do our best to shape our destination, but the journey remains a mystery. Often the path is filled with ups and downs and twists and turns, and things that you can’t anticipate. This situation was just another reminder that no matter where we are, it’s exactly where we’re supposed to be.
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